Truly Unique

Unique.  That's what we're always told.  You're unique.  There's no one else in the world like you.  While that's true from a genetic standpoint, there are others who are exactly us - our siblings.  Our brothers and sisters share the exact same lineage.  Those people that we grew up with, fought hardest with, stood up for and miss every day of our adult lives share the same ancestors.  I know, it seems so obvious, but think about it.

We're not just the sum total of our genetics.  At the moment of our birth, that's what forms us. But from that moment forward, we start to become a person formed not only by the society around us, but also my the experiences that have formed our family unit. We learn the "pick yourself up from your bootstraps" ethic that was formed through our mothers family that had to fight for every thing they ever had.  We learn that what we have today can be gone in an instant from our fathers family that lost it all and had to start all over.

These experiences that are the "genetics" of our family are so much more than DNA. They are what make us who we are and who we will become.  They are what inform our parents of the lessons that we need to be taught.  Even though other people may learn the same lessons that we and our siblings learn, they lessons weren't formed through the same life experiences.  This combination of biology and heritage is what makes each of us truly unique.

Open Enrollment and the Plight of the Domestic Partner

Well, the federal government has done it again. This year for benefits enrollment, I'm basically left with only one choice. Oh, don't get me wrong, my employer is offering two options for health coverage, but there is really only one option that is viable for us.

The two options, in a nutshell: First, what is called a high deductible plan with an attached health savings account. It sounds really good. The premium is half the cost of the other plan, but the deductible is much higher. The good part of this plan is the health savings account. You contribute to the account with tax free dollars just like a flexible spending plan, only if you don't use it all at the end of the year, you can roll it over into next year. You use the money in the account to cover medical expenses until you meet your deductible. The other plan has a very low deductible, $1,200 compared to $6,000 in the other plan. But there is no savings plan and the premiums are twice as much.

Which plan to take was a no brainer. I'd go with the high deductible plan with the savings account. Then I would deposit the difference between premiums into the savings account to pay for all those out of pocket costs. But then the light bulb went off. It wouldn't work for us. See, if you're covering a domestic partner on your health plan, the premiums for them are after tax. The health savings plan is before tax. The IRS doesn't let you use the money in the health savings plan for medical expenses incurred by your partner. So, if something were to happen to my partner, we wouldn't be able to use the money we had been putting aside. So now, I have only one choice - the high premium, low deductible plan.

When will the law of the land finally catch up with the new landscape that is the American family? Will I ever go into health enrollment and not have to consider the tax consequences of every decision I make? Will there be a time when I can look at my options without asking, "Does this apply to me"? I should be able to cover my family the same way that everyone else does. Where are you, President Obama? Where are the promises you made? I'm tired - and I'm not the only one.

He's my Brother

Each of us has different roles in the lives we lead.  We're spouses, partners, children, parents, grandchildren, aunts, uncles, friends, co-workers, and any of an innumerable list of roles.  He's a father, a son, an uncle, a friend, but for me, he's Brother.

I don't remember many times I've called him by name to his face.  I use his given name in conversation when talking about him with others.  But when he answers the phone, he says Hello, and I answer back, Hey Brother.  And I end the conversation with I Love You, Brother.  I guess the name everyone else uses just isn't personal enough for me.  After all, I'm the only one who will ever call him Brother.  That makes it kind of special.

He's grown from my scrawny little brother to a man I respect.  He loves his two boys.  His face softens when he's talking about them.  Even when they make him angry, you know how much he cares.  He wants to see them become the strong men that they are capable of becoming.

Don't get me wrong, he has his faults.  He's got that family temper that we all have.  But once it boils over, he goes back to being a gentle bear.  He's obstinate and strong-willed, but then I guess those are family traits as well.

Today, he's facing a demon that I never thought my Brother would face.  He has seminoma.  Not being in the medical field, I'm not exactly sure what it means, but it makes me worry.  I know he's strong and the story of Lance Armstrong makes me know that he can beat this.  I just wish I could be there for him.  It's hard being so far away from my strong little Brother at a time like this.

So, good night Brother.  I love you.

Vermont Governor will Veto Marriage Bill

To update my post earlier this week, Vermont Governor James Douglas, a Republican, has announced that if the marriage bill passes and makes it to his desk, he will veto the same-sex marriage bill now before the Vermont House.  Although the Vermont Senate passed the bill with a 26-4 majority, at this point, it is not clear whether there is enough support in the Vermont House to over ride the veto.

Big Day for Marriage

Lot's of people think that just because Prop 8 passes in California that nothing new is happening on the marriage front.  That couldn't be further from the truth.  Small steps are being taken every day in the quest for equality.

Today, Senator Schumer of New York came out in favor of same-sex marriage and for the repeal of DOMA.    Senator Schumer is the last state-wide elected official of that state to take a stand for equality.  This is a big step for the senator, who was one of those voting for DOMA years ago when it became law.  In it's statement to the NY Daily News, Senator Schumer's office said,

"It’s time. Equality is something that has always been a hallmark of America and no group should be deprived of it. New York, which has always been at the forefront on issues of equality, is appropriately poised to take a lead on this issue."

Also in the news today, the Vermont senate voted 26-4 in favor of legalizing same-sex marriage for the state.  The issue will now move to committee in the house before being presented for a full vote.  With a majority of Democrats in the House, the measure is expected to pass.  However, there is still uncertainty around whether or not the Republican Governor Jim Douglas will sign the bill if it is passed.  Vermont was the first state to legalize civil-unions back in 2000.

We Really Need Omega-3

MSNBC has a really good article on a supplement we all need but don't get enough of.  It seems that before we started factory raising our beef and poultry, omega-3's were abundant in more of our food supply.  The grass consumed by beef and free range chickens causes their proteins to be rich in omega-3.  And the salmon we all eat to get that wonderful oil?  Seems the farm raised variety is being fed grain rather than some form of their natural food sources, causing them to be less rich in omega-3.  The really interesting part is that omega-3 is good not only for the heart and cardiovascular system, but for the brain as well.  And they seem to be pointing to the omega-3 oil as a way to stave off depression, fatigue, and whole range of illnesses.  Read the article for yourself.  But I think I'm about to start looking for grain fed beef, free range poultry, and more fish. The article is titled, Want to live longer?

for my wife . . .

Friends and family often ask why it matters whether we can marry. In their eyes, todays' gays and lesbians lead fairly normal lives with little interference. Why can't we just leave things alone and be happy with what we've achieved. I don't know if my feeble attempts to explain to them the importance of that piece of paper ever really gets through, although I do try.

For them, this is why we want to marry. This is what it's all about. Although all the rights and privileges afforded married couples would be great, at the heart of the matter is our dignity. When the person we have shared years of our lives with lays dying in a hospital bed, we want to be able to hold their hands and be with them. When decisions need to be made concerning medical care, we want the person closest to us to be consulted rather than someone we may see only once or twice a year. We need to have our relationships acknowledged at the most critical times in our lives.

The trailer below is for the documentary, for my wife. It is Charlene Strong's tribute to her partner of nine years, Kate Fleming. Kate drowned after a torrential rainstorm flooded the couple's basement. Charlene was only allowed into the hospital room where Kate lay dying after Kate's sister called the hospital. After Kate died, the funeral director would not recognize Charlene in making the funeral arrangements, instead directing all questions to Kate's mother. Watch the trailer, read the story in the Advocate, and see the film. Then, hopefully, you can stand with us in seeking to gain the rights and dignity all people deserve.

Silencing the Christians

The American Family Association is at it again.  They have produced an hour long info-mercial.  An NBC affiliate in Michigan was to have aired the production prior to Obama's press conference.  However, after being approached by the HRC and receiving numerous letters revealing the controversy surrounding this fim, the station decided not to air it.

It's hard to watch, but I did.  I felt that I need to know what those with an opposing view are saying.  While I respect the rights of people to believe that homosexuality is wrong, I don't respect their attempts to force those beliefs on all of society.  But more importantly, it is necessary to make sure that any untruths and/or distortions be met head on and corrected.  The only way we can do that is to know what is being said.  The video can be seen at the Silencing Christians website.

With Focus on California, Northeast States May Pass Marriage Laws

Over the past few months, while the nation has focused on Prop 8 in California, three states have inched forward in a move toward equality.  Both Vermont and Maine have introduced legislation to legalize gay marriage and New Hampshire is holding public hearings on the possibility.  Each of these small steps forward will eventually lead to our equality throughout the entire nation.  Progress takes time.  But we are getting there.

Please Don't Divorce Us

Ken Starr, who led the campaign to impeach President Bill Clinton, filed a legal brief last month -- on behalf of the "Yes on 8" campaign -- that would forcibly divorce 18,000 same-sex couples that were married in California last year before the passage of Prop 8.

Watch "Fidelity" and sign the letter to the state Supreme Court. Tell the Supreme Court to invalidate Prop 8, reject Ken Starr's case, and let loving, committed couples marry. DEADLINE: Valentine's Day.

Courage Campaign

Missouri Rep Snubbed from Families and Children Committee

When committee assignments came out in the 2009 session of the Missouri House, one name was missing from the assigments for the committee on Children and Families.  Rep. Jeanette Mott Oxford - a Democrat from St. Louis and a life long advocate for the poor, for children, for workers, rights - was no longer a member of the committee after having served on it for the last four years.  According to House Speaker Ron Richard, he gave the seat to a Democrat from St. Louis county because "he asked for it."  However, there seems to be some question as to the real reason.  According to Democrat staffers present for the announcement, Chief of Staff Jeff Brooks said Oxford was removed because members of the Republican caucus found her “highly offensive.” Brooks reportedly did not elaborate on what that meant.  For more on the story:

Advocate.com

GayPolitics.com

Kansas City Star

Quiet after the Chaos

For more than a week our home echoed with the sounds of children.  The television tuned to Nickelodeon or the Cartoon Network.  Brothers helping each other build a Lego project.  The strum of guitar strings singing their newest melody.  Hugs given without apology.  Ben (the four legged son) finally having a playmate who wouldn't stop playing to soon.  The wonder of Christmas morning.  A quiet request for a pop-tart, toasted please, or for an egg with a bubble (sunny side up).  All of us playing the Friends trivia video game.  And then it was over.  They had to go home, return to school and their friends.  And the echo became the sound of silence.  The silence was overwhelmingly loud.  I miss them.

Unrealized Touch

It happens with the ones your closest to.  They may never even realize it.  The brush of fingers on your back as they walk by.  A glance that catches your eye.  The touch of hands that reach for the popcorn at the same time.  Shifted body weight that makes a foot touch yours while watching a movie.  All movements that bring us closer together.  That say you are mine.  That begin in the subconscious and make it out to be realized, without even realizing it.

Surreal Tide of Change

Well, this week it has begun.  Layoffs announced on Monday.  Rumors beginning to fly on Tuesday.  Today, on Wednesday, the people begin to leave.  One by one.  You don't want it to be anyone you know.  Especially since they've already told you you're safe.  Then it happens.  You turn the corner and someone is in tears.  Then a closed office door opens and someone walks out with a box full of his lifetime with the company.  This is our family.  Many of us have spent ten to twenty years together.  We know each others families.  We play softball together. We've been through marriages and divorces, illnesses, and even death.  But still this family, this one stable rock, has stood and been there for us to come to day after day.  Somehow we knew that it would all be ok because on Monday, we would be able to laugh with the people we worked with, the people who seemed to understand us. And now, with the wave of an arbitrary wand, a new company owner has decided the fates of each of us.  Some stay. Some go.  No rhyme or reason.  Just a surreal tide of change.

Wanda Sykes is Pissed

On Saturday in Las Vegas, Wanda Sykes addressed the Prop 8 protesters. Wanda is proud to be a woman, she is proud to be black, and she is proud to be gay. And she is pissed!