for my wife . . .

Friends and family often ask why it matters whether we can marry. In their eyes, todays' gays and lesbians lead fairly normal lives with little interference. Why can't we just leave things alone and be happy with what we've achieved. I don't know if my feeble attempts to explain to them the importance of that piece of paper ever really gets through, although I do try.

For them, this is why we want to marry. This is what it's all about. Although all the rights and privileges afforded married couples would be great, at the heart of the matter is our dignity. When the person we have shared years of our lives with lays dying in a hospital bed, we want to be able to hold their hands and be with them. When decisions need to be made concerning medical care, we want the person closest to us to be consulted rather than someone we may see only once or twice a year. We need to have our relationships acknowledged at the most critical times in our lives.

The trailer below is for the documentary, for my wife. It is Charlene Strong's tribute to her partner of nine years, Kate Fleming. Kate drowned after a torrential rainstorm flooded the couple's basement. Charlene was only allowed into the hospital room where Kate lay dying after Kate's sister called the hospital. After Kate died, the funeral director would not recognize Charlene in making the funeral arrangements, instead directing all questions to Kate's mother. Watch the trailer, read the story in the Advocate, and see the film. Then, hopefully, you can stand with us in seeking to gain the rights and dignity all people deserve.

Train Whistle

As a kid, I remember hearing the sound of the train in the distance.  The train would blow it's horn and I could hear the clickity clack of the wheels as they ran over the tracks.  I wanted to know who was riding in the passenger cars and where were they going.  Sometimes, if we were close to the tracks when a train would come by, the engineer would wave as they passed us.  Back then, there were conductors on the trains as well, so I'd get a second wave as the caboose passed as well.

I heard the trains in the distance tonight and for some reason, those old memories came back.  I know that almost all of the trains these days are carrying goods for delivery in some distant place.  But every now and then I know one of the trains is a passenger train.  I still wonder where the people are going and who they are.  And it makes me almost wish the slower days of the past could come back.  I think we all could learn from sitting on a passenger train for a few hours, away from the hustle and bustle of the cities, to contemplate the scenery and to just be.

Lesbian Kiss at Mariners Ballpark

Last week, at a Seattle Mariners game, two people engaged in a public display of affections.  Like many other couples in ballparks across the country, they kissed.  And another patron at the game complained that their action was inappropriate.  Why?  Because the couple was a same-sex lesbian couple and the woman complaining didn't want to have to explain two women kissing to her child.

Like the parent at the stadium, there are those who don't want their kids exposed to what they call perversion. They don't want tolerance taught in the schools because it is seen as pushing an agenda they don't agree with.

So how does this parent respond when her kid comes home talking about the new kid in class who has two mommies or two daddies? Should the new kid not be allowed to go to school in order to keep the other children from being exposed to the idea that not all families are alike?

You don't have to believe that homosexuality is moral, but you do have realize that your children are going to be confronted with the reality of homosexuality at young ages. I have several friends in same-sex relationships who have children. Their kids will be attending school. And if the other children are not taught tolerance, then my friends kids will become the victims of bullying or worse.

There are reasons to expose children to things you may disagree with. They exist in society. You cannot shelter your children. Teach them. And if you must believe that homosexuality is wrong, teach them to hate the sin and love the sinner so that they will not inflict harm on the children of same-sex relationships.

And maybe they will grow up to see that we are all the same.

McCain and the New GI Bill

As I've said before, the least we can do for our returning vets is to give them the opportunity to go to college and realize dreams that they may have thought unreachable. Most of the Senate and House agree with me. Unfortunately, the presumptive Republican nominee, a Vietnam vet and POW, doesn't agree. He's more concerned that our current military doesn't start leaving the service in order to go to college. As Cynthia Tucker, of the Atlanta-Journal Constitution, points out,

Now, Sen. Jim Webb (D-Va.), joined by his colleagues John Warner (R-Va.) and Chuck Hagel (R-Neb.), wants to give veterans of Iraq and Afghanistan a similar package of benefits, since those young men and women, like the vets of the Greatest Generation, have made enormous sacrifices for their country. But their proposal has met stiff opposition from the White House and from Arizona Sen. John McCain, the presumptive GOP presidential nominee.

McCain claims the proposal is too expensive; he has offered a scaled-down version of the plan. Webb's new GI Bill, which covers the entire cost for a veteran attending a public college, would require about $5 billion a year. The continued U.S. troop presence in Iraq costs much, much more — about $144 billion a year. Surely the nation can afford to give a fraction of that to the troops.

Perhaps the real reason for McCain's refusal to support more generous college benefits lies in a letter Secretary of Defense Robert Gates wrote to Congress a few weeks ago: The Pentagon fears the plan would lure soldiers away from re-enlistment and back into civilian life. With the Republican establishment lined up behind an open-ended commitment to Iraq — and with some chicken hawks screaming for military action against Iran — they need cannon fodder. They don't want enlisted men and women to have the alternative of a college education paid for by a grateful nation.

Revelations like that always give me a shudder — a momentary feeling of disorientation. Is this still America? Aren't we the nation that claims we absolutely support the troops, that we will never dishonor their service again, that we all should be wearing flag pins to show our pride and patriotism?